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Incidents on Irish radio and TV

The following are all true accounts of incidents on Irish radio and TV.

"Bosco is a Bollox ! Bosco is a Bollox !"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break during 'Dempsey's Den'.Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.

Larry Gogan : (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a Minute quiz) - 'Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did they ?'
Caller : 'Ah go f*ck off Larry you're only an old bollox'.

Larry Gogan : 'What was Jeeve's occupation ?
Contestant : 'He was a carpenter'.

Ian Dempsey : 'What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding present ?'
Caller : 'I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's hole'.

Gerry Ryan : (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried or cremated when they die) - 'Would you like to be buried or cremated ?'
Caller : 'Oh , buried Gerry'.
Gerry Ryan : 'And where would you like to be buried ?'
Caller : 'Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin !'

'Stephen Roche , the only British or Irish cyclist to win the Tour De France'.
ITV commentator.

'I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it'.
Jack Charlton on hurling.

'Outside HIV in Grafton Street'
Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.

THOSE DISGRACEFUL MADONNA PICTURES - FOUR PAGE SPECIAL INSIDE
The Sun

'A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into an allegation that a local garda shot a cow ....There has been no statement from the cow.'
Irish press.

'Mrs Windsor can come and go as she wants'.
Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.

'I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo....They can go out now , dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and nplay bingo.And they deserve it'
John B. Keane.

Interviewer : 'Is it not dangerous to sell people knives called Rambo Knives ?'
Shopkeeper : 'I wouldn't say so , a lot of them can't spell'

'I was called out to a non-existant phone call.When I returned I lifted my glass, smelled and said 'My God , this is foul , it smells like piss'. 'A voice from the back called out , 'We know , but whose ?'
Wine connoisseur T.P. Whelehan at a tasting in Trinity College.

Jim Mitchell TD : You're always mixing me up with someone else.
Ceann Comhairle , Joe Brennan : Yes , I'm always confusing you with that fellow Mitchell.

'Ludicrous. Ridiculous.'
1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary defines the word 'Irish'.

'Get married again'.
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the widows pension.

After the cops raided a massage parlor (knocking shop) in Rathmines.This is the arresting Garda's testimony :
"When we entered the premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused state. When asked the reason for his presence at the establishment , he said he was being treated for a GAA injury."

The following are answers which have been given in a well known Irish radio quiz given by the aforementioned Larry Gogan.

Something a blind man might use? A Sword
A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
Name the Capital of France? F
Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
What is Hitlers first name? Heil
As happy as.... (Larry gave a hint - think of my name)? A pig in sh*t
Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.
A dangerous race? The Arabs
Something that floats in a bath? Water
An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair
A famous Royal? Mail
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with wings
A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Something a cat does? Goes to the Toilet
Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate
A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on
Something associated with pigs? The Police
A sign of the Zodiac? April
Something people might be allergic to? Skiing
Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
Something you put on walls? A roof
Something Slippery? A conman
A kind of ache? A fillet of fish
A Jacket Potato topping? Jam
A food that can be brown or white? A potato
A famous Scotsman? Jock
A famous Scotsman? Vinnie Jones
Something you open other than a door? Your bowels

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