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Dating Don'ts for Guys

Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House

Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello.
Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly.
Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask
if you can use the bathroom.
Mention that 'Mr Happy' is primed and ready.
Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning.
Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their
daughter.
Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again.
Pretend to eat your arm.
Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.

...And Top Ten Things Not To Say While Waiting For Your
Date At Her Parents' House...

10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
9. "Show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me
mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
2. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?

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There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
"Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?"
"I really don't like this restaurant that much,
but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
"No wine for me tonight.
My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."
"I refuse to get cable.
That's how they keep tabs on you."
"People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell."
"I used to come here all the time with my ex."
"I never said you NEED a nose job.
I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."
"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't
hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years.
Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
"And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."
"I know you said you don't eat anything with a face.
But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."
"It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people
I date just won't be as smart as I am."
"Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear
hit the ground... Man! I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses
could run that fast."
"Well... that was a heavy dinner. All I need now is an enema
and a blowjob."
"How come you are so much fatter than your sister anyway?"
"Nice dress. could i borrow it sometime?"
"I never thought I'd look at a woman again but my last
boyfriend broke my heart, so I said to myself 'come on,
give it another try' "
"This is a bit slow, do you have any great looking
friends we could call?"

Submitted By: Anonymous...