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| TEENAGERS The walls of a teenager's bedroom or a twentyish adult's apartment are always highly decorated, beyond anything sane, with every available inch of space covered with something cool. A movie teenager will always have a drainpipe situated next to his or her window. This drainpipe will be specially reinforced to hold their weight on escape. TIME Movie timing is always exact. If a phone trace will take two minutes, for example, you can be sure that that means 120 seconds, not a fraction more or less. Same for bombs, amount of time to get to a destination, etc. Corollary to the above: all characters in a movie have their watches perfectly synchronized. TRAFFIC When a main character has to cross the street (in one of the slower parts of the movie), he/she can always cross the street immediately. Of course, he/she jogs across in order to miss the one car that drives by after they cross. If there is traffic, then that means that the movie is at a more intense part (like a chase scene) in which case there are a lot of cars that crash into each other. None of the important characters get hurt, the accident is never heard on the news, and nobody sues anybody important. Very few people even get out of their cars, and yet, no airbags are to be seen. TRAVEL Transportation always arrives and leaves on time. Characters arrive at the airport and get right on the plane. They must have the best timing of any people on Earth - I always have wait around for a while before boarding. (Not to mention getting a boarding pass and the "arrive 30 minutes before departure or you lose your seat" clause of most airlines. Good thing movie airlines never overbook!) Movie characters' suitcases are always weightless when they have to carry them. In emergencies, anyone can pick up flying a helicopter. Movie characters never suffer from motion sickness. TREES Whichever tree branch the hero has perched on, the villain will invariably pause under. |
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