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The Woman's Dictionary

1. Fine
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel
they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you
should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe how she
looks. It will lead to one of the arguments mentioned above.

2. Five minutes
These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to
the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out
the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. Nothing
The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your
guard immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe
the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down,
and backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "five
minutes" and end with the word "fine".

4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows,
it actually means the opposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission
to do something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "nothing"
and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word
"fine."

5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should
not be confused with the granting of permission either. It means "I give up" or
"do what you want because I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few
seconds a raised eyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and
"fine". She will speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.

6. Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of
communication between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood
by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why
she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!

7. Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a
bit longer.

8. Oh
This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. For example,
"Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh"
before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine"
when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to
talk to you for at least two days.

9. That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say
to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's okay" is
often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eyebrowed "Go
ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for
some mighty big trouble.

10. Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you
the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a
chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you
shouldn't get a "That's okay."

11. Thanks
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden
meaning. Just say "you're welcome".

12. Thanks A Lot
"Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman
will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually
followed by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way.
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only tell
you "nothing".

Submitted By: Anonymous...