NickHemingway.com/Comedy - Free Jokes & Humour

Home | Newest Jokes | Funny Pictures | Funny Videos

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: _________________________________________
Address: ______________________________________
Gang Affiliations: ____________________________
Stage name: ___________________________________
Agent: ________________________________________
Attorney: _____________________________________

Sex:
[ ] male
[ ] formerly male
[ ] both
[ ] female
[ ] formerly female
[ ] sometimes

If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of
your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in
any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No

Occupation:
[ ] Lawyer
[ ] Actor/Waiter
[ ] Filmmaker/Self-employed
[ ] Writer
[ ] Car Dealer
[ ] Panhandler
[ ] Agent
[ ] Hooker/Transvestite
[ ] Other; please explain: ______________

Please list: Brand of cell phone: ________________. (If you
don't own a cell phone, please explain.)

Please check hair color:
Females:
[ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers:
[ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Men:
Please list shade of hairplugs: ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating a wrap
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Having sex
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times you:
a) expect to shoot at other drivers: ________
b) expect to be shot at while driving: ________

Please indicate if you drive:
a) a Bimmer,
b) a Lexus,
c) a Mercedes,
d) a Cabriolet.
If your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks to normal
delivery time for your driver's license.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac;
b) Zovirax;
c) Lithium;
d) Zantax.
e) If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more.

Sample Exam Questions:

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is

If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime;
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on
the news on a high-speed chase;
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company for 911 call not going through;
d) Call your therapist;
e) None of the above (South Central resident).

When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit

Submitted By: Anonymous...