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Accountants....

Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
Q. How do you drive an accountant absolutely insane?
A. Tie him to a chair, and fold a road map up wrong in front of him.

Q. Why did the Accountant cross the road?
A. To bore the people on the other side!

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realises he does not have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.

Q. Why do audit firms only have 10 minute coffee breaks?
A. If the breaks were longer, they'd have to retrain all the staff.

Q. What is the difference between a CPA and a shopping cart?
A. A CPA holds more beverage.

Q. What do you call an Accountant who marries an Actuary?
A. A Social Climber.

Q. What does an accountant use for birth control?
A. His personality.

Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and an honest accountant are locked in an officewith a bag full of cash: $1,000,000 in small bills.
Q. What happens?
A. Nothing, they are all fictional characters.

Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depletion.

Q. What does an actuary do to liven up a party?
A. He invites an accountant.

Q. What does CPA stand for?
A. Can't Pass Again.

Q. How do you know if an accountant is an extrovert or introvert?
A. An extrovert looks at your shoes when talking to you, an introvert looks at their shoes when talking to you.

Q. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A. Jail.

Q. How can you tell when an accountant owns a used car lot?
A. She keeps turning back the gas gauge.

Q. How can you tell the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
A. The actuary is the one with a personality.

Q. How does an accountant deal with constipation?
A. He works it out with a pencil.

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Submitted By: Anonymous...