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![Free Jokes & Humour](Images/nickhemingway-com-comedy.gif)
Jeffrey Dahmer |
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The man who killed Dahmer in prison is claiming self defense...
He heard Jeffrey's stomach growl.
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What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his butt.
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What was Jeffrey Dahmer's worst nightmare?
A running nose!
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Why did Jeffrey keep the heads in the fridge?
To see if the light really goes off, and
So he could keep an eye on the beer.
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Did you hear that he has a new website?
It's at slash, slash, backslash, slash, escape.
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What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
You gonna eat that?
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What does Jeffrey Dahmer do when he gets done eating his vegetables?
He throws away the wheel chairs.
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What was Dahmer's favorite class in school?
Homemaking... the canning and preserving part.
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What do you have with Jeffery Dahmer, David Koresh and O.J. Simpson?
A butcher, a baker and a license plate maker.
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Why did Dahmer's teachers think he should become a comedian?
Because he was such a cut-up in class.
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Hear about the movie they made about him?
It's called, "Three Men and a Little Gravy"
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What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman?
"Stop playing with your food!"
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When Jeff had his parents over for dinner, his mom kept bitching at him, saying, "I hate all your friends"...
So he told her to try some of the salad...
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Know why they found a dish of noses in Jeffrey Dahmers fridge?
He was going to make Dahmer-Nose pizza.
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How did Jeffery Dahmer like to spend his spare time.
He had friends over for lunch.
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What were Dahmer's last words to the guy that killed him in the fight?
"Hey buddy, I used to eat guys like you for breakfast!"
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Why was Dahmer about to move?
He was running out of elbow room.
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How did Jeffrey greet his friends?
With a warm handshake.
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What did the chief investigator tell the crew moving the Freezer?
Careful, if you drop that heads will roll! .
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Jeffery Dahmer wrote a cookbook on Oriental cuisine...
It's called --- 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog!
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What kind of soap did Jeffrey Dahmer use?
Lever 2000 - For all your 2000 body parts!
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Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was an avid golfer.
Yep, they found a bucket of balls in the closet
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Did you hear that he came out with a cook book just before he died?
How to serve your friends at a cocktail party!
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What was Jeff's favorite Twighlight Zone episode?
To Serve Mankind.
its a cook book...! its a cook book...!
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Why didn't Dahmer have better lawyers?
It would have cost an arm and a leg.
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How was Dahmer described in school?
Class cut-up. Most likely to get ahead.
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Did you hear about the new Jeffrey Dahmer fridge?
Seats six and more head room.
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What were his victims last words?
"Hey, eat me, buddy!"
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Have you heard of the Jeffrey Dahmer drink?
An Old Milwaukee with no head.
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What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when his mother showed up late for supper?
Gave her the cold shoulder.
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Why wouldn't Jeffery Dalmer ever give you a straight answer?
He'd always say "let me chew on it a while".
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Why did Jeffery Dahmer break out of prison?
He heard about the big BBQ in WACO
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What was Jeffery Dahmers last meal?
A large pizza with everybody on it.
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What did they find when they did Dahmer's autopsy?
Jimmy Hoffa
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What kind of Shampoo did Jeffery Dahmer use?
Head and Shoulders
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What was Jeffery Dahmers favorite food?
Finger food.
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Why did they find testicles in Jeffrey Dahmer's freezer?
Cause sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't!
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What did Dahmer have to do with Iran/Contra?
He came up with the Idea of "Arms for Hostages."
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What was Jeffrey's favorite bird?
A cock or two.
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Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment is for rent. It's advertised as:
Three bedroom, partially furnished, roommates included, some assembly required.
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Did you hear what Jeffrey Dahmer did to the last guy that made him angry?
He chewed his ass out.
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Did you hear that Garth Brooks did a Dahmer Tribute Tune?
"I've Friends in crawl spaces, mason jars, and glass vases."
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I heard that he occasionally passed his friends in the street.
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What did Dahmer do if he didn't like his neighbors?
He scraped them off his plate.
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Why didn't Jeffrey Dahmer like eating vegetables?
There wasn't room for the wheelchairs in his closet.
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What did Jeffrey Dahlmer have in his refrigerator?
About 10 lbs of ground Chuck.
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What did Jeff say to O.J. in jail?
You show me yours, I'll show you theirs.
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What do Jeffery Dahmer and Eleanor Rigby both have in common?
They both go to sleep every night with a "face in a jar by the door"!
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Why won't the guys in prision play cards with Jeff?
He always comes up with an extra hand.
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What's the difference between Jeff and Playboy magazine?
Playboy magazine can take a good beating in the bathroom.
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What's the difference Between Jeff and O.J. Simpson?
Jeff had proper etiquitte... he used a FORK and a knife.
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They just released a new film about and idiot and a cannibal.
It's called "Dumb and Dahmer"!
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Jefferey Dahmer blamed his landlord...
Said he had been charging him an arm and a leg for rent.
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Did you hear that Jeffrey Dahmer had written a cookbook?
Its called, "How to serve your friends at a cocktail party"
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What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite food?
Beans and Frank.
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Why did Jeffery Dahmer prefer eating his victims?
Because a sandwich is a sandwich, but a man-wich is a meal.
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Why was Jeffery Dahmer killed in prison?
He disagreed with one of his meals.
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What did Dahmer say when the cops came to arrest him?
"Come on guys, have a heart!"
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Why did Jeffery Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
He liked to greet his guests with a warm handshake.
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