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Everton - Kick Them While Their Down

1. What have Heather Mills & Everton got in common? Their second leg is just for show!

2. Everton have just announced 'Easy Jet' as the new club sponsor - They will get new shirts with ''inand out of Europein a few hours'' printed on.

3. An old lady falls over outside Goodison and Moyes goes over to help. He asks the lady can she manage and she says ''F*ck of I don't want the job!''

4. How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb? As many as you like, they will never see the light.

5. After Everton's crap start to the season I nailed my season ticket to the club gates in disgust. Next day I had a change of heart and went back for it - and some b*stard had ncked the nail.

6. Rumour has it that Everton have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

7. Have you heard the one about the Evertonian who bought a 'Golden Goal' ticket and found the word "October" written inside when he opened it!?

8. What's the difference between Nigel Martyn and a taxi driver? A taxi driver only lets in four at a time

9. Why does David Moyes keep visiting Argos? Because that is the only way he can pick up any Premier points

10. Whats the difference between Everton and a tea-bag? A tea bag stays in the cup longer

11. David Moyes goes into a building society to deposit some money. Whilst there, a robbery takes place, and David is knocked unconsious during the struggle. In a few minutes he comes round, but is still very confused."What, er, how, er, where am I?" he mumbles. "Relax. Your in the Nationwide" says a paramedic. Moyes replies, "Bloody Hell! You mean I've been asleep all season?"

12. David Moyes went to the Everton Xmas party dressed as a pumpkin. Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.

13. The Post Office have just recalled their latest stamps The special set of commemorative stamps had pictures of Man United players on them... but people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Submitted By: Tim B