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| WARNING. If you are offended by Frank Sinatra jokes PLEASE LEAVE NOW. They're going to hold the wake at Burger King... So they can 'have it their way' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How did frank Sinatra punish his kids? No ice in their drinks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heard about his new film? From Here to Eternity 2. This time its personal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sinatra family members insist that, despite his death, Frank is in perfect health. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank Sinatra is dead. This is not a drill. We repeat. Sinatra is dead. This is not a drill. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did the Grim Reaper say to St. Peter before visiting Frank. Hey, I'll make him an offer he can't refuse... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seinfeld mourns Frank's passing... So my last show was a big hit, Frank died, yadda yadda yadda... Why couldn't he had picked another week to die? It was supposed to be my week! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It turns out that Frank Sinatra didn't really die... He's just a little stiff from an overdose of Viagra. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was announced today that Frank Sinatra is to be cremated. From now on he will be known as "The Charred Man Of The Board." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I suppose that it does prove it pays to be "Young at Heart" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank arrives in heaven and he seeks out Dean Martin. "Sorry- Jerry is still popular". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now they really are packs for rats. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How prophetic of Nancy... "One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looks like Frank Sinatra just couldn't live without Seinfield. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What was the most surprising thing about Sinatra's death? The Mafia had nothing to do with it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you need to do for a Rat Pack reunion? Hide the Nitro Glycerine pills. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank Sinatra may have been the chairman of the board... But now he's as stiff as a board. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Headlines from the Mark Williams Talk Show on WGY 810 AM, Albany, NY "Gangster crooner takes dirt nap. 'Ole Blue Eyes sings 'Come Die With Me' ... details later Sinatra died of a heart attack after being rushed to Cedar Sinai Medical Center... a spokesman for the McCartney family says that Frank really died in Hoboken. Frank Sinatra. Cooler than Ice-T, smoother than Seal and saw more debauchery than that "broad" Marilyn Manson. Frank Sinatra....Old Closed Eyes... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank's Greatest Hits... "Come Die With Me" "Start spreadin' the news, I'm leaving today..." "Start spreadin' the news, I'm rotting away" 'I got you under my turf' 'I died My Way' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FRANK SINATRA'S DEAD by Dean Ayass (to the tune of "New York, New York") Start spreading the news, I carked it today. Just sitting in the hospital, And my heart gave way. Just wasting away, Sitting in that home. I'll never see the Cup Final Or Millennium Dome. But just 'cos I've popped my clogs Don't mean I've gone to the dogs, 'Cos now my songs will climb the charts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the tune of 'My Way' I have been a boner, I have wanked alone. Now I'm in my casket Rotting to the bone. Still and all I wonder, The reason is you see, I was fu**ing ancient So Nancy poisoned me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Instead of a hearse, Sinatra is going to be carried in the trunk of a Caddilac. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Rat Pack to Rat Snack -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How did Frank Sinatra die? Stranglers in the night! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One of the touching personal accounts sent in to us... Frank Sinatra saved my life once... Four guys were beating me up in an alley, and then frank said, "That's enough." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What was the first thing he did when he got to heaven? Had a few belts with Michael Hutchence. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Dean, Peter and Sammy getting for Memorial Day? Frank. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did it take a week to bury Frank? He wasn't there to tell his family what to do, -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's grey and hairy and won't be worn this Xmas? Old Blue Eye's wig! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He did it his way... and he's just as dead as the guys who did it another way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did Frank say to St. Peter when asked if he lived a good Christain life? "No interviews, baby." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What has broken legs & floats down the river? People who tell Sinatra jokes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank's latest project... Duets with Dead Cats. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What song does Frank's ghost sing to Joey Bishop? Come Fly With Me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "My Kind Of Tomb" "Death Be A Lady Tonight" "And now, the time is.........now!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did Diana say to Sinatra when he arrived in - wherever they are??! I believe you also had problems with "the family" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank finally has something in common with his daughter's singing/acting career. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- According to a statement released by his family, Frank Sinatra's condition hasn't improved... He is still dead. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Credit to "Tasteless Songs for Sensitive People" on the :669 Show" WCSB-FM www.wcsb.org To the tune of Young at Heart Heart attacks can come true They can happen to you If you're an old fart For your heart 'll be fine Til you've run out of time If your an old fart You can drink to extremes And piss in your dreams You can eat til your ass Splits your pants at the seams And your blood pressure keeps rising With each passing day And beats aren't in your heart When you've passed away Don't you know thats it hurts To sleep on a pillow of dirt When you're an old fart For as bitchy as you are Your mind rambles pretty far When your an old fart And if your pulse rate takes a dive To just 45 You forget about humping all of your wives When you're going to K-mart You'll rde around in a golf cart If you're among the Very oldest farts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the tune of "Come Fly With Me" Come die with me Let's die lets die today If you can choose some shade of blue The hearse will carry you away. Let's die let's die today Come die with me I see you're turning blue In morgue land You'll wear a band And i'll put it on for you Come die with me I see you're turning blue When i get you down there Don't you be terrified The box isnt wide Sammy cried When I get you down there I'll be rotting too, so dear You may fear Dino's here Now were together. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the tune of "New York, New York" Start spreading the news, I croaked today I wanted no part of it, Oh Hell, Oh Hell These vagabond bucks, are worthless today Right through the last amont of it, Oh Hell, Oh Hell I wont to wake up in a casket that doesn't leak To find I king of bugs, top of the heap My little toupee, is rotting away I'm gonna make a brand new pile of bones, Oh Hell, Oh Hell If I can get out of here, I'd go everywhere It's up to the worms, Oh Hell, Oh Hell |
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