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| KURT COBAIN |
| Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV? ...and on the carpet, the walls, the furniture... Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album? If they can just find a lead singer who can keep his head together... The new album will be called "Splattermind" and contain such hits as "Kurt Shaped Box", "Smells like A Rotting Corpse", "In Bloom: A tribute to Kurt's head", and others. Do you know the title of Kurt Cobain's first solo album? "Plugged." Does Kurt Cobain like other kinds of music? Yes, he's a Dead Head. Have you heard about the Seattle beer commemorating Kurt Cobain? It's bitter and has no head. Have you seen the new MTV show? Kurt Cobain: Plugged. How do Princess Di & Kurt Cobain collect their thoughts? With a shovel. How does Cobain feel about the NBA? He think the Bullets have nowhere to go but up. How many Cobains does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to be depressed about it, one to take heroin over it, one to sing a bad song about it, and one to shoot it. How many members of Nirvana does it take to change a lightbulb? Hopefully, not more than two. How many times does it take Kurt Cobain to kill himself? Two, if you want it done right. Kurt Cobain should have changed his name before he committed suicide...Kurt Gobang! Nirvana's last album: "In Utero." Nirvana's next album: "Post Mortem." It'll be number one with a bullet. What's got more brains than Kurt Cobain's bedroom wall? The crash barrier at Imola. [After Senna's fatal crash.] What's got six legs, six arms, and two heads? Nirvana. What's red and gray and hanging on the wall behind the sofa? Kurt Cobain's brain! What's red and has more brains than Kurt Cobain? The wall behind him. What's the best thing about Kurt Cobain? His aim! What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and a mug of beer? Beer still looks good when you blow the head off. What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and John Bonham? It took 42 shots to kill Bonham. What's the first thing that went through his mind when he pulled the trigger? His nose! What color were Kurt's eyes? Blue. One blew this way and one blew that way! What did Kurt Cobain say to the electrician when he arrived? Not much. What did Kurt Cobain say whenever Nirvana went for a ride in a car? "I ride shotgun!" What did Kurt do when he got to the top? He self-destructed. What did Kurt have to drink before he died? A couple of shots. What do Cobain and Wesley Alan Dodd have in common? Hey man -- just shut up and be glad they're dead. What do JFK, Curt Cobain, and Bill Clinton all have in common? They each have (or had, in JFK's case) half a brain, and Gore on their backs. What do Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury have in common? They both sucked a tube and died. What do Kurt Cobain and hockey have in common? Face-off in the corner. What do Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling. What do Kurt Cobain and W. Bobbit have in common? They both got drunk and lost their heads! What do you get when you cross Kurt Cobain with Richard Nixon? John Kennedy. What does Kurt Cobain's head have in common with his record sales? They've both gone through the roof. What does Kurt Cobain smell like now? I don't know but it's sure not Teen Spirit. What has 2 heads, 4 legs and works at McDonald's? The rest of Nirvana. What is Kurt Cobain's favorite album? "nomoremind." And don't forget the hit off the album, "Smells Like Gunsmoke." What is the ultimate guage of Cobain's success? 12. What sound did Kurt's shotgun make? Kurt-Kurt Cobain. What was Kirt Cobain's last hit? The floor. What was on Kurt Cobain's suicide note? Mostly blood and powder residue. What was the best cure for Kurt Cobain's depression? 12 gauge buckshot. What was the best thing that Kurt Cobain ever released? The safety catch on that gun. What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love? Hole's gonna be real big! What was the last thing Kurt said before his face got blown away? "S***, I thought this was a microphone!" Or was it, "Is this mike on?" What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind, "Molten Lead" or his teeth? What will Nirvana's next single be? "Bullet in the Head." (Rage against the Machine cover) What will Nirvana's next video be? Dancing on the ceiling. What will they bury Kurt Cobain in? A heart-shaped box. Whats the new singer of Nirvana called? Kurt No-Brain. Who makes less money than Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic? Kurt Cobain. Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain? He'll go shooting off his mouth. Why couldn't Kurt Cobain become a professional boxer? Because he can't take a blow to the head! Why did Courtney Love drive? Because Kurt preferred riding shotgun. Why did Kurt Cobain stop doing drugs? He needed them like a hole in his head! Why did Kurt Cobain use a shotgun? Because anacin was too weak. Why did Kurt shoot himself? Because he could no longer shoot up the charts. Why did Nirvana never let Kurt Cobain talk to the press? He kept shooting his mouth off. Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind? You can see right through his head! Why was Kurt Cobain so embarrassed? He shot his mouth off once too often. Why were there only two pallbearers at his funeral? There's only two handles on a garbage can. Why won't they let Kurt Cobain drive convertibles? His head whistles. You know, Kurt Cobain would have had a great career -- if he didn't go shooting off his mouth! What do Kurt Cobain and Trent Reznor have in common? Head like a hole! What does NIRVANA stand for? : Needed : Immediately : Reliable : Vocalist : Applications : Now : Accepted Multiple choice: What will Nirvana's next record be? * My Aim is True * Up on the Roof * Going out of my Head ---- The upcoming Kurt Cobain tribute album will contain these tunes: 1. "Alive" - Pearl Jam 2. "Bullet in your head" - Rage Against the Machine 3. "I hate myself and want to die" - who else, Nirvana 4. "Suicide Solution" (i forgot, Ozzy?) ''Ozzy, yes. And "solution" refers to liquids with ethanol'' 5. "Kill yourself" - S.O.D. 6. "I shot the devil" - Suicidal Tendencies 7. "War inside my head" 8. "Suicidal failure" 9. "Suicide's an Alternative" 10. "Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen 11. "Shotgun Blues" - Guns and Roses 12. "Overblown" - Mudhoney 13. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Beatles ---- Top Ten Reasons Why Kurt Cobain Shot Himself: *10. Wanted to repaint wall a nice shade of "Hint of Brain" *9. Ran out of possible 3 chord combinations for songs. *8. Too many listeners beginning to understand lyrics. *7. If at first you don't succeed, try try again... *6. "Which is dangerous, the wooden end or the metal end?" *5. Tried to scratch pesky spot behind ear with shotgun. *4. Damn Fly! *3. "If I don't get this tuned right I'm gonna shoot myself" *2. Playing Solitaire Russian Roulette And the number one reason: *1. Couldn't figure out "Cinnamon Girl" Solo. |
| Submitted By: CAS |
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