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| I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful! I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her. A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. Why did God give men p*nises? So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. What's the difference between a pay check and a p*nis? You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay check. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job will still suck. What's the best thing about oral sex? Ten minutes of silence. What's the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is banging her. One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!" If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?... The dog, of course . . . at least he'll shut up after you let him in! How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs? So you can tell them apart from the feminists. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Why are hangovers better than women? Hangovers will go away. Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it. A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother- in-law gets double. The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death." What do you do when the dishwasher quits working? Slap the bitch and tell her to get back to work. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ? Her navel. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them |
| Submitted By: Anonymous... |
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