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| MEDICAL More often than not, the best method to revive somebody after their heart has stopped, assuming that there has already been a lengthy attempt to revive them with CPR, those electric zapperthings, ect., is screaming at them something like: "You never backed away from everything in your life, now fight! Fight! FIIIIGHT!" or "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!" MEN When men drink whiskey, it is always in a shot glass, and they always drink it in one gulp. If they are wimps, they will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. If they are macho, they will wince briefly, flashing clenched teeth. Men on rafts, jungles, deserts or other extended duty don't have to carry razors because their beards don't grow. Counterpoint: Unless they drink, in which case 3-day stubble appears in 3 hrs. MIDDLE AGES Medieval peasants always have filthy faces, tangled hair, ragged clothing - and perfect, gleaming white teeth. (cf. Braveheart, any Robin Hood movie). If you are a princess, you always have a favorite lady in waiting, and you always send her to warn the hero of the evil king's intention just in time. Corollary: the lady in waiting is never quite as beautiful as the princess; however, she still always catches the eye of the hero's sidekick. In a swordfight, you can always parry behind your back, and you must always find a set of stairs to fight on so that the loser can roll down them and die at the bottom. Horses never get winded, throw a shoe, etc., until the pursuing sheriff is right behind the hero. Corollary: the wagon that breaks an axle or gets stuck in the creek is always the one carrying the king's entire treasury, which he totes around with him every time he goes gallivanting through bandit-infested countryside. MINORITES Minorities such as Native Americans or Asians will always have some sort of mystical knowledge or inate fighting skill. For example, the Native American always knows the course of events to come from some sign in nature, and Asians are all born with Martial Arts skills they can use to battle the bad guys. MONEY Gangster's Briefcases either contain weapons or banknotes. No one ever got coins at a robbery. Briefcases are designed to hold exactly three rows of banknotes. As if it had power by itself money likes to be sorted in nice packs and rows, even if it had been thrown into the briefcase ba a terrified casher at a bank. When you use a movie taxi don't ever give any change. Drivers won't know what to do with it. Just say "thank you" when you pay a bill, reach into your pocket without looking, take out whatever note is in it - it will just fit. (see also CABS) Same is true in restaurants. Checks are always designed to be 15 percent under the sum the male customer has in his hands first. MONSTERS After fleeing a monster, you will want to call for help from a public phone within ten feet of where you last saw the monster. MOTORCYCLES Motorcycle engines in movies can inexplicably change from 4-stroke Otto cycle to 2-stroke cycle operation. Motorcycles usually change from Harley Davidson choppers when engaged in highway operations to Yamaha Dirt bikes when operated off-road (as in "Then Came Bronson"). Police Harleys will morph into Triumph Bonnevilles when operating in tight quarters (on the ship in "Magnum Force"). MUSIC Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers. Native musicians are highly skilled, and can make simple instrumental bands sound like a full light orchestra. |
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