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| FENCING/SWORDPLAY At some point in a duel, the hero and villain will cross swords at face level, allowing them to grip each other's weapon while making nasty/sarcastic comments before they break the clinch and continue fighting. (Why doesn't anyone just ram the sword guard into their opponent's face, stun him, and then finish him off?) If the hero and villain's swords cross at or below waist level, they will break the clinch, fall back, and pause -- despite the fact that a simple upthrust into the opponent's belly after the break would end the duel right there and then. If there is a candelabra, the villain will show how talented he is with a sword by cutting the candles and watching them fall over; the hero will do the same but the candles won't fall until after the villain has made a comment about the hero's lack of fencing ability, at which point the hero will topple the cut candles, showing that he is more skilled than the villain because his candles didn't fall over from the force of the cut. During a duel, the hero will jump or climb onto a table/bench/piano/platform that raises him above the villain. At that point, the villain will swipe at the hero's legs, which the hero avoids by jumping up in the air over the villain's blade. Very rarely, the positions are reversed. Duels usually have one scene where the actors go out of frame and you watch their shadows fighting. If the villain wounds the hero in his sword arm, one of three things will happen: o hero becomes ambidextrous and fights with sword in other hand; o hero finds something else to defend himself with (tapestry, chain, Mossberg 12-gauge) that can be used with the other hand; o hero's girlfriend/sidekick comes up behind villain and impales him, thus saving hero. If hero is disarmed by villain, one of three things will happen: o villain will show a trace of honour and allow hero to get his sword; o hero will make mad dash/leap over or around villain to regain sword; o just when it looks like the end, hero's girlfriend/sidekick throws a sword to him, which he manages to grab easily (for the best send-up of this concept, check out ARMY OF DARKNESS where Ash jumps in the air and his chainsaw magically clamps back onto his wrist -- it's beautifully shot and extremely funny!). If there are stairs, the hero will be forced up them backwards by the villain, at which point the hero will either leap to the ground or swing from a rope/chandelier/tapestry to get away. If there is a tapestry or chandelier, the hero will cut it loose and drop it on the villain's henchmen unless the movie is a comedy, in which case the hero will drop it on his own men by accident. FIGHTS see also KNIVES If a character uses martial arts rather than a weapon, his opponents will always face him one-to-one. Spare bad guys may dance around the fight taunting our hero, but none will engage until his predecessor has been disposed of. And if it's an oriental martial arts film, they will fight in perfect one-two rhythm and form, hit-block-hit-block. Two guys or a bunch of guys go at it, repeatedly bashing each other in the face with massive blows, or hitting each other with chairs, sticks, refrigerators, whatever -- and they go one doing this, sometimes for minutes at a time. People can be rendered inoperative by bumping them on the head. Beware, though; after you have left the scene, this person will regain consciousness and be more determinted to attack you. Clasping your hands together and hitting the bad guy's back will also guarantee unconsciousness All fights taking place on the edge of a canyon, tall building, or other high place require at least one bad guy to get plugged by a bullet, arrow, or other missile weapon, causing to fall, but keeping him alive enough to hear his scream of terror echo as he plunges to his doom. Corollary: whenever someone falls off of a cliff or building, no matter how much damage they take beforehand, they scream, even if they were shot through the lungs twenty or thirty times, or were apparently unconscious. In the West, the favored hand-to-hand combat technique is to throw yourself prostrate on the other guy and hug him. When a villian is trying to murder someone with a knife, they'll often use just one hand. The victim meanwhile (usually a lady) is using both hands to restrain the villian's arm and keep the knife from stabbing her. But the murderer will never simply use his other hand to take the knife and easily stab the victim. FOOD & EATING Pastries are always in plain pink boxes. When we see a plain pink box, we expected to know that the box contains donuts or cake or some related item. All movie mothers will prepare a breakfast, usually consisting of scrambled eggs, bacon, etc. Dad and the kids will invariably arrive at the table 30 seconds before Dad has to leave for the office and the kids have to catch the school bus. Each will have time only for a sip of coffee/juice and/or one bite of toast. There must be enough food left over in these homes to feed an emerging nation! |
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