| Home | Newest Jokes | Funny Pictures | Funny Videos |
| Film Clichιs B |
| BARS/DRINKING Every time some guy walks into a bar, usually the hero, he gets into a fight. Usually right under a BUDWEISER sign . Likelihood of fight increases if country music is playing in the background. Movie heroes in a bar will either order strong alcoholic drinks and swallow them down like iced tea or will ask for milk. The latter will always provoke sarcastic remarks and a fight will ensue. When men drink whiskey, it is always in a shot glass, and they always drink it in one gulp. If they are wimps, they will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. If they are macho, they will wince briefly, flashing clenched teeth. A cup of black coffee/splash of cold water in face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a split second (see several thousand westerns, and "Peter's Friends.") BINOCULARS & GLASSES Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one. Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside. Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses. A villain will always commit murder right in front of the window when someone with binoculars is watching. BIOLOGY AND GENETICS People are often exact duplicates of remote ancestors, or of their parent at the same age. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. Radiation causes mutation not to your future children, but to you, there and then. Mutation is never immediately fatal, but first either makes you into a formless blob, or a functional creature with animal-like features. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any person or creature from anywhere in the universe. Newborn babies can babble, crawl, and hold their heads steady. BODILY FUNCTIONS People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health. Only exception to the above is when they're dying. A cough is a symptom of terminal illness. Menstruation is an unknown phenomenon in movies. Female movie characters are all immune from it. You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom. Vomit is portrayed by distant toilet flush. Nobody ever throws-up on the carpet. BOMBS Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people always have them detonate after at least an hour, giving the hero ample time to defuse it. Bombs always have big, blinking, beeping timer displays. Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people are always thoughtful enough to include a visible display (usually LED) of how much time remains before the bomb detonates, giving the hero accurate feedback on exactly how much time remains. When you cut the wire to the detonator, the timer will stop. You will not be able to do this, however, until only one second remains. All wires have different colors, so the hero can easily differentiate them when he has to cut the right one. Bombs detonated with microwave ovens always explode 2 seconds after the timer reaches 00:00 and the microwave oven beeps (ex. "Under Siege"). Explosions always happen in slow motion. When an explosion occurs, make certain you are running away from the point of detonation so the blast can send you flying, in slow motion, toward the camera. A building that in real life would require several dozen carefully placed explosive charges for demolition, can in a movie be destroyed by a single bomb in a car trunk (see "Lethal Weapon III"). This bomb will cause no damage to any other building on the block. |
| Submitted By: Anonymous... |
Home - Privacy Policy
Site Copyright οΏ½2003-2007 Nick Hemingway