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Sarcastic Remarks to Get You Through the Day

1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
2. Do I look like a friggin' people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off my planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my dogs/cats.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
13. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
14. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
15. Allow me to introduce my selves.
16. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
17. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
18. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
21. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
22. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
23. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
24. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
25. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
26. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
27. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
28. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
29. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
30. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
31. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
32. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Macho/Feminist Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. I plead contemporary insanity.
38. And which dwarf are you?
39. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
40. Meandering to a different drummer.
41. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Submitted By: Anonymous...