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Afghan TV Times

06.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers.

08.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah".
Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

09.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers & head slapping.

11.00 Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea
battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday
objects.

12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the
world.

13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife Xena stays at home and does some
cooking.

14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket
launchers to Hamas.

14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the
milk bottle top appeal is revealed.

15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges
meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's
entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political
and religious leaders.

17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by
stoning for adultery.

17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week
running?

19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions.
Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

20.00 FILM: Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad
sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the
infidel.

23.30 They think it's Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel
the Mullah' round.

00.00 When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in
mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

00.30 The West Bank Show. Arts
programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.

01.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

02.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.

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