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A Little Irish Humor

Pat & Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before the morning
break, Pat yelled "Mick, I've lost me finger!"

"Have you now," Mick said. "And how did you do it?"

Pat replied, "I just touched tis big, shiny spinning thing here like
this.... Damn! There goes another one!"
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Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin' meself
lately!"

'Tis a good thing, too," responded McMaken, "T'was a nasty habit you
had!"
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An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one
night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A
cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'
to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. "There was an accident
down at the Guiness brewery..."
"Oh, God no," cries Brenda, "please don't tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone, I'm Sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and
drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at
least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three
times to pee."
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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,
and she's in tears.
He asks, solicitously, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got news. My husband passed away
last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary that's terrible. Tell me, did he
have any last requests?"
She replies, "Aye, that he did Father..."
The priest asks, "And what did he request?"
Mary answers, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun.'"
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Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to
Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except me mother
and me sister."

"Well, "Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

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