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Mental Health Hotline

This is what you will hear at the Mental Health Hotline:

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the Mother Ship

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you what number to press

If you are a manic depressive, it does not matter which number
you press, no one will answer

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696

If you have a nervous disorder, please fiddle with the * key
until a representative comes on the line

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address,
phone number, date of birth and mother's maiden name

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully
press 000

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave message after the beep,
or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short
term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up now. All our
operators are too busy to talk to you.

Submitted By: Anonymous...