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If men wrote Cosmopolitan

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get
enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from
being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get
some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go
with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows! this. His offer to
you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is
extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do
is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The man is a
hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being
pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get
back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how
emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best
thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal and don't mention this aspect of his
behaviour.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your our clitoris is
of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your
own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape
yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To ease your
selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present and cook him a
delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is
very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as
you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all
wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive
present, and cooking a nice meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again
to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and
don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes
to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused
emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember
is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange
to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has
finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly,
and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity,
such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of
consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out-while he's gone you can busy
yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even
going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his
manly energy. Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for
you to do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him
alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the p*nis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
p*nis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or
over, you should go down on your knees and thank you lucky stars and do
everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning
his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.

Submitted By: Anonymous...