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Will the real dummy please stand up?

1. AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying
he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After
firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself
up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
machines, from which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own
bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her
husband!".

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for
trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to
keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high
desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't
get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane
at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect
working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the
prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing
so hard. NOW REMEMBER ... THIS IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer!

Submitted By: Anonymous...