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| Artist jailed for hiring a nude model Tehran, Iran – a visiting French artist has been sentenced to eight years behind bars for hiring a model to pose nude. Painter Pascal Bougainvolle was found guilty of breaking a law that makes it illegal for a Muslim woman to be seen naked by any man other the her husband. 10,000 people vanished on new years eve! Washington, US – at least 10,000 American vanished without a trace on New Year’s even, 1999, federal statistics say. Experts believe that many of the missing may have gone into hidden bunkers in preparation for possible Y2K disruptions and remaining there until they are sure the coast is clear. Parishioners robbed at gunpoint! Munich, Germany – Two shotgun-wielding bandits got away with more than £23,000 in cash and when they burst into a Sunday morning church service and forced 290 shell-shocked parishioners to hand over the ri wallets, purses, watches and rings. At least one gal burned at the stake WAS a witch! Hanover, Germany – the vast majority of women who were burned at the stake as witches in the Middles Ages were the innocent victims of superstition, hysteria and mob violence, historians agree. But not Magda Hoppesburg, if eyewitness accounts of her attempted execution in 1431 can by trusted. Witnesses said that when the accused witch was set on fire, she blew out the flames with a “gust of cold breath, then broke her bindings and flew up into the clouds” Mass rape at strip joint Helsinki, Finland – the owners of a chain of strip clubs has criticised the police for not doing enough to track down a gang of ruthless thugs who have terrorized his employees and customers in a month-long rob and rape spree. On four different occasions, the armed bandits have raided clubs, forced nude dancers to submit to various sex acts, robbed patrons wallets and ripped of the cash registers. “if this had happened to a fancy restaurant, the police would have acted decisively to bring the culprits to justice by now”, charges butter club owner Gunnar Penttinen. One devastated victim told investigators she and 14 dancers were ordered at gunpoint to line up on their hands and knees at the edge of the stages, where they were systematically violated. Annoyed diner shoots man for chewing with his mouth open! Caracas, Venezuela – Irate diner Ernesto Aliva, 43, was charged with murder after he took out a postol in a crowded restaurant and gunned down a man at a nearby table – because the victim was chewing with his mouth open. “I ordered an expensive lunch and that creep’s barbaric table manners were ruining it for me”, the miffed mechanic reportedly told police. Investigators said accountant Hulio Peresco, 51, was having lunch with two business associates when Avila walking to his table and shot him to death with a .38 calibe pistol. Cops arrest elephant for begging Coimbatore, India – Cops here proved they go strictly by the book when they arrested a full grown elephant for begging in the street. Suguna, an elephant trying to panhandle for her master, was hauled off to jail for violating the city’s anti-begging ordinance after police saw her holding out her trunk for money. She was released with a stern warnug when cops realised they didn’t have a call big enough to hold her. The elephant owner was ordered to pay a £17 fine. Burglar stole – and ate victims silk dresses Bangkok, Thailand – A man broke into a popular fashion models home and ate nine of her silk dresses! Cops say Vijan Praephan has agreed to undergo psychological evaluation in lieu of facing charges. Gentlemen Axe murdered strikes again! Birlik, Cyprus – The so-called Gentlemen Axe Murderer has struck again. The soft-spoken slayer who racked up a horrifying body count of 14 victims back in 1998, reportedly decapitated give people in a rooming house here last month and badly injured a 48 year old man. The survivor said that the genteel maniac demonstrated impeccably good manners during a weekend stay preceding the bloody rampage – and even followed each killing with a polite “I beg your pardon”. Sicko glues bearded men together – by their whiskers Warsaw, Poland – Police are searching for a sick man who is drugging bearded men and gluing them together by their whiskers. Cops say the perpetrator haunts sleazy dives in a poor section of town and looks for men who have long beards, which are commonly seen in Warsaw. When he finds two of them, he sits down, strikes up a conversation with them and spikes their drinks with knockout drops. When they pass out, he quickly glues their beards together. So far the weirdo has struck four times. Authorities say they have no idea what is motivating the odd prank. Cops talk suicide jumper off ledge, then falls himself Hamburg, Germany – A brave cop who climbed out on a 7th story ledge to successfully talk a man out of jumping to his death lost his balance and fell to the ground – killing two onlookers he landed on. Policeman Horst Guhrmann was hospitalised with several broken bones, but he was luckier then the man and women he crushed on the ground. The names of the victims were not available at press time. Selling undies can by fatal Jhang, Pakistan – Peddling lingerie can cost you’re your life. A court here sentenced a man to death for printing catalogues showing girls in their underwear. Gay gunman goes in a rampage after co-worker calls him straight Paris, France – A gay man working in a computer factory went berserk and mowed down four fellow employees with a 9mm semi-automatic – because a co-worker kept telling him that he didn’t look like a homosexual, police say. Gunman Pierre Adavois who also shot and killed himself, was heard yelling “I’m not straight – I’m gay!” – during the bloody rampage. Man goes berserk because coffee shop ran out of jam doughnuts Nordhorn, Germany – Hotheaded Gerhardt He went berserk in a coffee shop, beating the owner unconscious and destorying £12,500 worth of property – because the shop was sold out of jam doughnuts. “When I told him we didn’t have any of the kind he wanted, he just went nuts” battered proprietor Arnold Masse, 41, recalled from his hospital bed “he said he’d been dying for a jam doughnut all day”. The suspect could be imprisoned for 15 years. Man sues cops for stopping his suicide bid! Lima, Peru – A man has sued three policemen who stopped him from committing suicide. Jaun Aliago, 44, was rescued from the ledge of a building he was planning to jump from, but now the ungrateful jerk wants £700,000 from each of the cops – because he says they “invaded his privacy”. The unusual case is set to go to trail later this month. Man killed by pocket comb San Esteban, Honduras – One man died and another was severely injured when the two tore away at each other’s flash with pocket combs. Hector Valdez and Juan Cruz were combing their hair before the mirror in the men’s room of La Fonda Club when an argument broke out over which of them would seek the attentions of a women there. “They went at each other with those combs as if they had knives in their hands”, said on witness. “They were covered in blood, no-one could break them up”. Cops say the fight ended when Valdez slashed Cruz’s jugular vein, causing him to bleed to death. Boxer shot to death in ring San Nicos, Argentina – Prizefight manager Raul Nagare got so frustrated watching his boxer being battered around in the ring that he climbed into the apron and shot the other boxer death! Nahara, 52, was charged with murder in the death of lightweight Alberto Morillo, 21. 103-year-old granny murders love rival Brisbane, Australia – Anna Remold, 101, died when a 103 year old rival bashed her over the head with her cane – because she though Anna was fooling around with her man! Jealous Sade Compton told cops she belted Anna after catching her smooching with her 96 year old boyfriend in the kictchen of their nursing home. Cops hauled the old women off to jail and charged her with second – degree murder. Rome, Italy – Diners are the target of a new fad called “nosing” in which teenager run into expensive restaurant and blow their noses in patrons food, then run out Jhansi, India – Cops here are being terrorised by a miffed monkey who sneaks up on uniformed police in the middle of the night – and batters them unconscious! The 80 pound primate has attached 14 lawman so far, clobbering them from behind as they patrol the city’s streets and then fleeing into the darkness. Nine of the victims have been hospitalised with concussions and broken bones. Investigators have no idea where the two-fisted critter came from or why he has it I for cops, bit they speculate that the money may have been abused by someone in uniform. A man who is driving a car is stopped by police offer. The officer “you were doing at least 75mph in a 55 zone”, the man replies, “no sir, I was going 60”. Wife: “oh Harry, you were doing 80”. Man turns to wife and yells “shut your mouth”. Officer turns to women and asks “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?” Wife: “no, only when he’s drunk” Sydney, Australia – Stock car driver Danny Elko survived a five car cash at 205mph suffering nothing but a broken leg. But Elko died minutes later when the ambulance talking him to hospital crashed into a guardrail at 20mph. Police say the rear doors of the ambulance flew open and Elko landed on the pavement, fracturing his skull. Jiggly blonde logger ordered to wear bra! Tehran, Iran – a Swedish tourist was detained and questioned by authorities for several hours – because her boobs jiggled when she jogged! The blonde, in her early 30s was not charged but was ordered to wear a bra when exercising in public in the future, a newspaper here reports. Women sues over messy suicide Barcelona, Spain – Heartless Maria Valdez is suing her ex-boyfriend’s family because the jilted man ruined the interior of her car – when he broke into it and below his brains out! Miss Valdez is seeking compensation from the dead mans mother and sister. Friends say lovesick Carlos Pena had been depressed for weeks after Miss Valdez broke up with him and decided to end it all where she would be sure to find him. “He totally ruined my car”, Miss Valdez said in a legal papers filed here “I’ll never get the blood out of the upholstery” Protestors pelt cops – with live rats Madrid, Spain – Disgusted tenant in an inner city slum found a new way of protesting their poor housing condition by throwing live rats at the police. Spanish newspapers report that two cops were bitten and others send scrambling when they tied to break up a demonstration. The demonstration took place in front of the Case Verde apartment house where tenants were voicing their displeasure over inadequate heating, rusty water and rodents. Each demonstrator carried a box containing a rat that had been caught in the property. When the police approached, the tenants threw the vermin in their faces. “I think we made our point” said one of the six protestors that was arrested. Airport police mistake man for Devil – and shoot him dead Kampala, Uganda – A mans attempt to smuggle a rare exotic snake out of the county failed big time! Airport security guards saw the creatures tail wagging out of the baton of his trouser leg and shot the alleged smuggler 22 times because they thought he was “a devil”. The man, 42-year-old Yoweri Acholi, had used duct tape to hold the two foot long reptile to his leg, investigators say. Warsaw, Poland – Prisoners in a maximum-security prison here have been forbidden from signing autographs for school kids who gather just outside the prison walls! The unusual practice began last year when kids started collecting autographs from the most notorious criminals they say on TV. Before officials banned the autographs, dozens of kids would flock near the prison while the jailbirds were in the yard – and beg for the cons to sign their autograph books. “Children should not be treating the prisoners as celebrities” warden Uri Smozenski said. 7 killed when schoolboy tosses sandwich from highway overpass! Hamburg, Germany – An 11 year schoolboy caused a 19 car pile up that killed seven people – when he threw a ham-and-cheese sandwich off a highway overpass. Cops said the sandwich fell onto the windshield of a women motorist, who was so startled she slammed on her brakes, touching off the massive, chain-reaction accident. Wacky thief attacks women, steals their shoes & eats them Paris, France – French police are searching for a dingbat who accosts women on the street, swipes the shoes of their feet – and eats them on the spot! The shifty shoe-crewest’s latest victim was relieved of her high-heeled pumps in a shopping centre and forced to watch ass her daffy down. Lawmen say it was the ninth time the thief has struck in the past three months. Startled bodyguard fires pistol – when fellow agent breaks wind! London, England – One of Tony Blair’s bodyguards caused a real stink – when he fired his gun after a gassy colleague broke wind! According to reports from the “The Sun” newspaper, agent Keith Hooper pulled the trigger of his gun when his associate let a loud one rip. Hooper was clocking off duty and was unloading his weapon when the startling incident occurred, say insiders. “As he was about to discharge the bullets from his gun, another officer loudly broke wind”, says a source. “Agent Hooper was overcome by the foul small and had to leave. As he went back into the main armoury area, he put his hand to his nose and accidentally pulled the trigger”. Luckily, the bullet landed a foot away from two bodyguards – and Prime Minister Tony Blair was nowhere in sight. But authorities aren’t taking the matter lightly. Hooper has been reassigned while the incident is under investigation, and he faces further disciplinary action. Top brass claim the agent “has a good nose” for the job and is one of the best bodyguards protecting the PM. |
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