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The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her [crap].

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C. [Yeah!]

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testosterone, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.

Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's. Pheonix, AZ.

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA.

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