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| Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down! A history joke What was Camelot? A place where people parked their camels! A history joke Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia? Must have been a duck family A duck family? Didn't you say there was a quack in it! An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school A math joke Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see! Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim! A history joke How did Vikings communicate? By norse code! A math joke Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0! A history joke What is a forum? Two-um plus two-um! Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So what's so great about that? It's snowing outside! An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests! Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip! What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food! What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals! The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug! An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it A history joke How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships? With their eyes shut! How did the boy feel after being caned? Absolutely whacked! What's black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper! A history joke Why aren't you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born! A history joke Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th! A history joke The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon. How many galleons did the get to the mile! A history joke What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark? Floodlights! A history joke What was King Arthur's favourite game? Knights and crosses! A history joke Where was the Declaration of Independance signed? At the bottom! A history joke Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court! A history joke Wish I had been born 1000 years ago! Why is that? Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn! A history joke Did the Native Americans hunt bear! Not in the winter! A math joke If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left? None, they were all copycats! A history joke What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate? The registration of the car that ran him over! Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between! A history joke Who succeeded the first President of the USA? The second one! A math joke Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? Class: At once! A history joke Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America? On their feet! You mean you need to sleep at home too! Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon! A history joke Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? He wanted Mark Antony! Why does history keep repeating itself? Because we weren't listening the first time! Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated? Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile! Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland! Pupil: A reindeer Teacher: Good, now name another. Class: Another reindeer! |
| Submitted By: Anonymous... |
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